Welcoming Setbacks: Lessons from Five Decades of Creative Experience

Facing rejection, especially when it recurs often, is anything but enjoyable. A publisher is turning you down, delivering a firm “No.” Being an author, I am familiar with rejection. I started submitting story ideas five decades ago, just after college graduation. Since then, I have had two novels declined, along with book ideas and many pieces. In the last 20 years, specializing in commentary, the denials have multiplied. On average, I get a setback every few days—amounting to more than 100 each year. Overall, denials in my profession number in the thousands. At this point, I could have a advanced degree in rejection.

So, is this a self-pitying tirade? Far from it. Since, now, at 73 years old, I have accepted rejection.

How Have I Managed This?

A bit of background: At this point, almost everyone and others has said no. I haven’t kept score my success rate—that would be deeply dispiriting.

For example: lately, an editor turned down 20 pieces one after another before approving one. Back in 2016, no fewer than 50 book publishers rejected my memoir proposal before a single one approved it. Subsequently, 25 representatives declined a nonfiction book proposal. A particular editor even asked that I send articles only once a month.

The Seven Stages of Setback

When I was younger, every no were painful. I felt attacked. It seemed like my writing being rejected, but who I am.

No sooner a manuscript was turned down, I would go through the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, surprise. What went wrong? How could editors be overlook my ability?
• Second, denial. Surely it’s the wrong person? This must be an mistake.
• Third, dismissal. What can editors know? Who made you to judge on my efforts? It’s nonsense and their outlet stinks. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, anger at the rejecters, followed by self-blame. Why would I subject myself to this? Could I be a masochist?
• Subsequently, bargaining (preferably mixed with delusion). How can I convince you to recognise me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Sixth, depression. I’m no good. What’s more, I can never become accomplished.

I experienced this over many years.

Notable Company

Of course, I was in excellent company. Stories of writers whose work was initially declined are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each writer of repute was originally turned down. If they could overcome rejection, then maybe I could, too. The sports icon was not selected for his high school basketball team. Most Presidents over the recent history had been defeated in campaigns. The actor-writer estimates that his movie pitch and bid to star were turned down numerous times. He said rejection as a wake-up call to wake me up and persevere, rather than retreat,” he has said.

Acceptance

Later, when I entered my senior age, I reached the final phase of rejection. Peace. Today, I better understand the multiple factors why an editor says no. Firstly, an publisher may have just published a similar piece, or be planning one underway, or be contemplating a similar topic for another contributor.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my submission is not appealing. Or maybe the editor feels I am not qualified or standing to succeed. Perhaps is no longer in the market for the work I am submitting. Or didn’t focus and reviewed my piece too quickly to see its quality.

You can call it an awakening. Anything can be turned down, and for numerous reasons, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Many explanations for denial are forever not up to you.

Manageable Factors

Additional reasons are within it. Honestly, my pitches and submissions may sometimes be flawed. They may not resonate and impact, or the message I am trying to express is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Or a part about my punctuation, especially commas, was offensive.

The key is that, regardless of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have succeeded in being recognized. I’ve authored multiple works—the initial one when I was middle-aged, the next, a memoir, at retirement age—and in excess of numerous essays. These works have appeared in magazines big and little, in diverse outlets. An early piece was published when I was 26—and I have now written to various outlets for half a century.

However, no bestsellers, no author events publicly, no features on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no prizes, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can better take no at my age, because my, humble successes have cushioned the blows of my many rejections. I can choose to be thoughtful about it all today.

Educational Rejection

Rejection can be educational, but when you listen to what it’s trying to teach. Or else, you will likely just keep taking rejection all wrong. So what lessons have I learned?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What